What Your Customers Are Hiding From You

Picture this: A product team spends six months building a feature that no one uses. Why? Because during testing, users smiled politely and said "That's interesting" instead of "I'd never use this."

Politeness is killing innovation. When customers sugarcoat feedback to avoid hurting feelings, they hurt businesses instead. In user interviews, phrases like "maybe" and "possibly" often mask a clear "no."

This fear of harsh feedback creates a dangerous cycle. Teams build features based on polite nods rather than real needs.

Reading Between the Lines

In user interviews, people often lie to make you feel good. The Mom Test (coined by Rob Fitzpatrick) teaches us to decode these polite deflections:

"That sounds cool" = "I'm not interested but don't want to hurt you" When users give generic compliments without specific details or examples from their life, they're likely being polite. Watch for vague praise like "interesting idea" or "could be useful."

"I would definitely buy that" = "I'm trying to be supportive" Future promises are worth nothing. Focus on past behavior. If they claim they'd love your product, ask what solutions they've already tried or paid for. Their wallet speaks louder than their words.

Body Language Red Flags:

• Quick nodding while looking away
• Checking phone during demos
• Short, non-specific answers
• No follow-up questions about pricing or availability

The Truth Lies in Actions:

• Did they actually sign up for updates?
• Have they tried solving this problem before?
• Are they currently paying for alternatives?
• Do they introduce you to others who might need it?

Remember: Good news that's vague is bad news. Bad news that's specific is good news. Seek out the painful truth rather than comfortable lies.

Creating Space for Honest Feedback

Join their world first - start by asking about their current workflow and recent challenges. Keep the conversation casual, like you're trying to learn about their job or daily life. When screen sharing, focus on observing their natural behavior rather than asking for feedback. Watch what they actually click on, where they get stuck, and what they skip entirely. Let them drive the conversation while you take notes on specific problems they mention. The goal isn't to hear their thoughts about your product - it's to understand their life well enough that you can spot the gaps between what they say and what they do.

Following The Mom Test principles, focus questions on past behaviors rather than future promises. Instead of asking "Would you use this feature?", ask "Walk me through how you handled this problem last week." Watch for digital tells: cursor hovering over buttons without clicking, skimming through important text, or long pauses before giving positive feedback - these often signal hidden confusion or disinterest.

The most valuable insights often come from silence. After users answer, wait 3-5 seconds longer than comfortable. People naturally fill uncomfortable silences with more honest thoughts. When they say something positive, probe deeper: "That's interesting - have you tried similar solutions before?" Their past behavior will tell you more than their future promises.

End every session by making criticism feel rewarding. When users point out problems, respond with genuine enthusiasm: "That's exactly what we needed to hear!" This transforms criticism from something to avoid into something valuable. Remember Rob Fitzpatrick's core insight: People want to help, but they need permission to be honest.

Conclusion:

When customers don't speak up, their actions tell the real story. Watch how they move, what they look at, and how they react. These quiet clues can help you make things better for them, even when they don't say a word.